Drunken Song
by Ainaak Ka-lyrra
Summary: When Ron, Neville, Draco and Harry go to a bar they realize that they have to get to Harry's kids show and tell, but the thing is, Harry's drunk and the results aren't pretty. A part of the LBT Universe. OneShot.


Drunken Songs

By- ainaak ka-lyrra

"Crap! We forgot that we were supposed to be at the school twenty minutes ago!" Ron cried in panic. Draco and Neville looked him in horror. Their wives would kill them!

"Come on lets get the hell out of here then." Draco said as he hopped up from his seat. Neville and Ron nodded in agreement as they all headed to the door. "Ahem, are you forgetting something?" the bartender asked in amusement.

They all turned as one and saw that Harry was laying face down on the counter, his hand curled around a empty glass cup, and just stared at him before looking at each other. "Oh shit" they said in unison. Apollymi would kill them if Harry came stumbling into their sons class ,full of 5 year olds, drunk.

Oh well they would just have to wing it and hope the girls wouldn't notice.

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"Harry why are you drunk?" Apollymi demanded as soon as they stepped into the class room. "I'm... not" Harry paused, as if wondering what the hell he was saying. "Drunk" he said from no where, pretty much slurring his words.

Apollymi stared at him before she turned to the rest of the boy and glared them, her silvery blue eyes swirling dangerously. They gulped.

"I can't believe you went out, got drunk and then come walking in thirty minutes late!" Hermione hissed angrily and they all shrank back ever more. "Would it help if we said sorry?" Ron asked meekly. Ginny glared at her brother. "No" she said flatly.

"Hey little boys and girls, I'm going to sing a song for you" they heard suddenly and they all turned and paled when they saw Harry standing in front of the classroom with a guitar in his hands, that he had some how managed to find. "It's called 'The Night Santa Went Crazy'" Harry chirped cheerfully.

The five year olds heard the word Santa and cheered happily. The old Hogwarts students looked horrified as the music started playing.

(The Night Santa Went Crazy- By- Weird Al Yankovic)

"Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys  
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys  
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death  
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath  
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo  
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo  
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,  
"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna _die!"_

The night Santa went crazy  
The night St. Nick went insane  
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal  
Something finally must have snapped in his brain

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it  
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet  
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage  
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage  
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger  
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger  
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen  
And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"

The night Santa went crazy  
The night Kris Kringle went nuts  
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole  
Without steppin' in reindeer guts

There's the National Guard and the F.B.I.  
There's a van from the Eyewitness News  
And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky  
And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'  
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why?  
My my my my my my  
You used to be such a jolly guy

Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doin' time  
In a federal prison for his infamous crime

Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears  
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years  
But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous  
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service  
And they say Mrs. Clause, she's on the phone every night  
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights

They're talkin' bout - the night Santa went crazy  
The night St. Nicholas flipped  
Broke his back for some milk and cookies  
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' gypped

Wo, the night Santa went crazy  
The night St. Nick went insane  
Realized he's gettin' a raw deal

Something finally must have snapped in his brain  
Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain  
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain"

The little children stared up at him in shock, before they burst into tears. Lily and Jamie smacked their hands onto their foreheads, Harlem and Solar was looking at Harry like they had never seen him before, Harlan, Python, Eclipse, and Panther looked like they were trying not to laugh with Draco, Ron and Neville who had all stumbled out of the room to crack up.

Harry blinked in confusion as the teachers tried to get the small children to stop crying.

What did he say?

THE END.

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The song is in my profile if you want to hear it.

Please Review and tell me what you think.


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